The holidays are close by and you know what that means — friends, family, fun, excitement, and — a lot of hassle.

You know what I’m talking about. The required “stuff” we do in the name of tradition. Dragging the boxes and boxes of holiday decorations out of storage just to display the contents around the already crowded house. Balancing on a ladder to string holiday lights. Making cranberry sauce rather than just opening a can. Standing in line at the mall for hours to visit and get the obligatory Santa picture. Baking holiday cookies, candy, fudge, and pies from scratch rather than ordering online and having delivered.

And it doesn’t stop with the new year. Oh no. This continues throughout the year to include vacations and birthdays. Assembling the Valentine’s Day treat bags for the entire class for each child, baking the princess birthday cupcakes, organizing the activities for the annual family reunion, inflating the backyard pool for summer fun, staging the first day of school pictures (despite being one of the most chaotic, stressful days of the year), and designing the most creative halloween costume that a 9-year-old will wear without throwing too much shade.

While doing so many things may seem like a nuisance, just try to skip them once and you’re faced with an angry mob. Then you hear but we always have a piñata on Cinco de Mayo. Or we never miss the St Paddy’s Day parade downtown. Suddenly you’re Mussolini for trying to skimp on what you thought was a hassle that no one noticed.

But they did notice it and what’s more — they will one day appreciate it. Because the hassle is in the details and the details create the memories. 

Tradition

My childhood was fraught with tradition and I’m so thankful my parents put forth the effort. It provided me stability and taught me what was important. As I matured, I appreciated the nostalgia and understood it shaped much of my experiences, thus making them memories.

Because the hassle is in the details and details create the memories.

Cookie baking with my mother. And I mean days of baking. Lots and lots of recipes and I cherished that time with her. I was her sole focus and it was something she and I did together with no one else. Decorating the house while carols echoed throughout the rooms. Choosing the perfect tree and decorating with the same treasured ornaments year after year. Christmas ham. Stockings with our names proudly outlined in glitter. Presents galore. Every single element was important because it provided me a strong foundation of what to expect each year.

Thanksgiving was equally full of tradition when I was growing up. Baking pies, a flurry of activity in the kitchen preparing Thanksgiving dinner, the Macy’s Parade, football games hosted in Dallas and Detroit, overeating yet just enough room for pumpkin pie.

Halloween was about creating the costumes, decorating the house, carving the pumpkin and watching It’s the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown. I would nearly wet myself as my father got the well-worn halloween decorations down from the attic. It was a glorious moment.

Birthdays were all about the birthday boy/girl who got the meal, cake and party of his/her choosing. Birthdays were viewed as special days and focused on the birthday person.

Vacations were also set apart. My brother and I always got a new windbreaker before each vacation. Likely because our vacations were in the summer and we needed a new windbreaker but nonetheless. My brother and I also received an allotted amount of money that we inevitably spent on tchotchkes of sort. In addition, every vacation I got a relevant charm for my charm bracelet. All of it was important because at some point those items reminded me of the fun I had.

I also recall a trip to Hawaii in which we bought and wore a matching Hawaiian print. My mother and I wore muu-muu dresses. My father and brother wore matching shirts. It was fun. It unified us. And to this day I still smile when I see the photos of my family posing in our new duds with silly smiles painted across our faces.

Adding to Tradition

At one point after becoming a mother I questioned the value of the tradition because it seemed like such a chore and I was only going through the motions. Then I thought — if I don’t do this, what will my son have to remember? What will I have to remember of his childhood? So I engaged in each holiday and special occasion with the realization it had important relevance. I even started a few of my own.

I created Christmas scavenger hunt for gifts. He’d get a clue and hunt around the house for the next clue until he finally found the “big” gift that year. I didn’t label any presents. Instead I’d address them to Disney characters from me. I had a separate private list on my phone so I knew which gift each Disney character represented but the unknown was so much excitement for him. Some gifts had quite the unveiling because they were inside a box inside a box inside a sack inside a box, etc.

My cousin has a tablecloth that she has each person sign or write their name every year and then she painstakingly embroiders the outline throughout the year. I thought – so much work but I realize she was intensely focused on creating memories. She is an awesome mom in every way imaginable.

Tradition is getting diluted

It’s hard to create memories if parents overstimulate their kids. How can you make something special when the kid is bombarded with treats, surprises and gifts at every opportunity? Today, gifts are common because stuff is cheap and disposable income is more plentiful than ever. It used to be gifts were reserved for Christmas and birthdays. Add to that parent guilt because they want their kids to “have it all”, perhaps overcompensating for the lack of quality time they spend with them.

Now it’s so commonplace to buy something just because they asked for it, or they were well-behaved in the store. Isn’t that the expectation though? In my day, if you didn’t behave, you were sent to sit in the car. I couldn’t imagine if I got a trinket just because I didn’t throw a Grand Mal fit in the aisle.

So it’s hard to make something standout when nothing in their lives is commonplace. Routine, structure and rules are critical for kids and tradition is a great example.

It’s hard to create memories if parents overstimulate their kids

The Grinch That Stole Christmas is no longer special because it’s available on DVD or worse, it’s available for streaming. Having to plan around the annual airing was what made it so special. My mother would announce from the TV Guide when it was due to air and my week was pretty much planned around that night. We’re talking good behavior all week to preserve my television privileges, done with chores, done with dinner, bathed, jammies sticking to my still-damp body, seated in front of the TV, ready to watch at 7pm. I did not want to miss it and have to wait an entire year to see it. Now it barely holds kids’ attention much less has the magical novelty of Christmas.

How to Spark Special Moments

1. Focus on experiences and not cheap crap that will be lost, broken or soon forgotten by day’s end. Activities as a family such as board games, talent show, sledding, bikeriding, backyard croquet. 
2. Make it a no tech occasion. People can’t be engaged when distracted by social media, etc. While a phone may be out for pictures, it is the exception. With that said, don’t watch life from behind a camera. Some of the best moments will be unscripted, so stop trying to catalog it all social media and scrapbooks.
3. Keep a souvenir as a keepsake. Not cheap China crap (CCC), but a meaningful object that exemplifies the experience. An event program, or fun magnet for the refrigerator.
4. Play High/Low to bring the day back, encouraging everyone to reflect on all their experiences and pick the best one. It also allows opportunity to recall everything fun that happened. 
5. The more routine they have the easier to create a memory because it breaks from the formula. Pizza in the living room because it’s movie night. Soda only on Italian night or with popcorn.
6. Break a rule once in awhile just because. Mom getting her hair wet by jumping in the pool suddenly or Grandpa agreeing to go on the rollercoaster unexpectedly. Kids love the spontaneity and will cherish the memory.
7. One on one time. Daddy/Daughter dances, Mother/Son day trips. Something that sets that relationship apart and the other person feels like the soul focus. You’ll create deep intimacy and memories for years. 
8. Surprise them on occasion by getting ice cream or going to the amusement park unannounced. It steals some of the anticipation but it will be recalled with great fondness. 
9. Double points for goofy. Silliness sticks in a kid’s mind for some reason. The funny dancing, the offkey singing, the dad jokes, the armpit sounds. It’s all comic gold to a child. When you see the opportunity (and it’s appropriate), take advantage of it. 
10. Emphasize the build up of a planned event. Where spontaneous activities can be great memories, so can the wind-up. Creating a daisy chain, planning activities, and engaging in discussion can heighten the excitement that much more (as well as wildly motivates kids to be well-behaved).
11. Incorporate family unity such as matching pjs for the entire family or themed Halloween costumes for the entire family, Friday nights are pizza and family movie night, Sunday mornings are reserved for animal-shaped pancakes and fun fruit toppings.

In Conclusion

So make the Valentines Day cupcakes, color the eggs for Easter, use the sidewalk chalk for the early days of summer, wear matching clothes for the annual family photo session, play in the fall leaves, build the snowman and cook the favorite birthday meal. It’s all being chronicled in their minds and hopefully passed on for generations.

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