Recently, I received a Facebook notification that I had been tagged in someone else’s post. I opened the seemingly innocent post of a recent get-together with some friends and was aghast at my picture that was included in the collage. At first, I thought Who was this beast? I was surprised a camera could capture her reflection. It was horrific. And then I recognized and realized it was me. Ugh.
Actually it wasn’t all that bad. But it was startling. Don’t people know I must vet all online photos of me and present them in a way that is always flattering?! Why would I allow a picture of me having fun with others be seen by the world? Upon uttering those words, I immediately realized the silliness of my annoyance.
No Pictures Please
Ask any woman if you can take her picture. None of them and I mean NONE of them, will say Sure, snap away. No, instead she will insist she doesn’t want her picture taken because she’s not camera-ready. Meanwhile, she launches into full diva mode by grabbing a mirror, lipstick, checking her teeth, fluffing her hair, straightening her clothing, finding the most flattering (but still relaxed and casual) pose for her photographer. All the while complaining and protesting.
Once you’ve taken the picture, she wants to see it and insists on several more before she settles on the best one. And of course, she wants you to send it to her as well as know where it will be posted and how soon.
Now ask a guy the same question. His hair is mussed, mustard in the corner of his mouth, wearing a Tequila is my spirit animal t-shirt and holding a wrench. He’s staring at you, wondering why you haven’t taken the picture yet. He does not care what the picture looks like nor what you’re doing with it.
Try this for fun. Send a video chat request to a woman without 24 hours advance notice. Puhlease. The chances of her letting others see what she really looks like at any random moment or glimpsing the oversized faded sweatshirt with a gravy stain she chose to wear earlier that day are nil. And do you know how awkward it is to have a 30 minute conversation while holding a phone 28 inches over your head to hide your turkey neck? She needs at least a day to do some strengthening and endurance exercises.
That’s when it occurred to me that Jane Jetson wasn’t far off in 1962 with her “face” to answer the video phone. Hanna-Barbera may have been way ahead of their time.
Smoke and Mirrors
It’s a shame. Not only do we have staged perfect selfies but we also have posts that illustrate near perfect lives of meals we eat, places we visit, experiences we have and gifts we receive. It’s not uncommon for a woman to post the flowers, card and meal her boyfriend arranged for her but we don’t see the dirty socks on the floor, the fight about the mysterious “private” call at 2am, or the overdrawn checking account. These are more realistic scenarios of her life than the “aww she’s so lucky” fleeting moments. But those moments are tucked away because they don’t glorify her. We only see what she wants us to see.
I am convinced that social media is a self-esteem wrecker. After only a few minutes of scrolling, it’s easy to feel less than and question your self worth. I wonder what’s wrong with me that I’m not drinking wine and laughing as I prepare dinner. Instead I’m frustrated because I have to continually wake up my iPad to refer to the recipe and busy figuring out if I can fake enchilada sauce with chili powder, water and tomato paste.
Or that I’m not fraught with indecision during my Gucci store visit because I can’t choose between the big purse and the smaller purse. What am I to do? (Shopping bag emoji, heart emoji). Yes, this woman would have everyone believe she is in peril at the Gucci store thus her plea for help by voting on a picture! Or perhaps she doesn’t need help choosing and instead wants to flaunt purchasing power. Ding ding ding.
Self Worth is Reduced to Likes and Shares
So many of us put our lives on social media in hopes of others noticing and validating. And then measure ALL of our self-worth based on hearts, likes, thumbs-ups, shares, re-tweets, comments, views, number of followers and friends, etc. Thanks to Instagram, Twitter, FaceBook, Snapchat, and hundreds of other social media platforms, we can project the life we want rather than the life we actually live. When did life become so staged? Is it really that terrifying to show others we’re human?
No one calls anyone on it. We just simply hit the thumbs up button and continue scrolling. Essentially we announce I approve of your Chicken Marsala dish or I acknowledge you went to Jamaica or I’m passing along that you’re having a girl. We hold another’s feelings of success or inadequacy in the power of a click. Sad, is it not?
Catfish Like Shiny Objects
Men have no idea the trouble women go through to get the perfect image of herself. Like holding the camera at an elevated angle to make her face look thinner and more youthful. Have you ever noticed most pictures look like it was taken by a surveillance camera above the door? And of course there’s the duck lips pout. You know the one. It looks like she has plump lips and just a little bit of mischief? And there’s the poses. Chin down, chest out, butt out, one or both hands on hips and one heel lifted to suggest she’s sassy?
Why don’t men question this? I see women all the time and NONE of them has the mournful look on their perfectly made up faces when standing in front of me at the grocery store or while pumping gas. They’re not even wearing lip gloss or a clean shirt for that matter. So why all the effort just for the camera? Are they looking for a porn contract? Not with that cold sore on your lip, missy.
Authenticity is Underrated
On the other hand, I have a friend who posted a picture of herself with her blouse misbuttoned. She laughingly admitted she had worn it that way ALL day and no one had mentioned it to her. Her wife had a similar post a few weeks later when she shared a photo of her in the car with coffee spilled all over the front of her shirt.
In both posts the women had funny frowns and witty captions. These ladies are so secure and self-aware they have no problem sharing their less than flattering moments with a laugh. I love it and them. Their honesty gives me hope and inspiration.
I also have family who posts the most entertaining photos and videos. All of them are candid moments. And I have to admit these mothers are crystal clear on their priorities and a camera-ready kitchen for a House Beautiful spread is not one of them. And rightly so. So they capture the dance videos, funny expressions, milestones, experiences with an occasional pile of laundry in the background or a messy topknot and burp cloth in the shot. But their stories are shared and chronicled realistically which I wholly enjoy and appreciate their authenticity.
Sadly they only represent a very small percentage of my “friends” on my social media. The rest are the polar opposite. They’d have me believe that their lives are charmed without a problem in the world. Every photo is well-lit, staged, full of thrilling excitement and likely only one of dozens that were taken to capture that “magic” they want to portray.
I saw a woman drop her keys in the Costco parking lot recently. She was wearing sweat pants and a t-shirt that read I took my meds today with a happy face. She knelt down and picked them up while juggling a diaper bag, baby, cell phone, and shopping cart. Had it been Instagram, she would have been dressed in animal print, twerking her way to snatch the keys with her teeth, hair blowing wildly behind her and never smearing her lipstick.
Smoke and mirrors, people. Smoke and mirrors. NO ONE lives an idyllic life. Trust me. No one. Not celebrities. Not sports stars. Not the uber rich. Not even royalty. It’s easy to get wrapped up in it and feel depressed but know that what you see on social media is only a tiny slice of reality. Your life is perfect just the way it is.
